Carnage vs The Silver Surfer

The Silver Surfer vs Carnage

Quick note: Be prepared for a sudden roster change.

There's a slight amount of bloodshed during this match

Carnage stayed poised on the top of the George Washington bridge in New York city, watching Magneto and Toad put back together a machine destroyed by Octavius many years ago. He had become bored of the normal citizens that he had been killing as of late, and craved a challenge. Of course, he knew better than to directly attack Magneto with that much metal around, so he was content with simply waiting for his opportunity to strike the weaker one. After about 30 minutes of waiting, they seemed to have noticed him watching. Carnage crouched down, preparing to flee if Magneto attacked, but a wondrous thing occurred when Toad came alone and Magneto turned his back to continue his work. Carnage grinned wide as the low level mutant leaped at him confidently, clearly confused about who he was facing.

Toad took one last huge leap to meet his opponent on the top of the bridge. He landed and flashed his tongue dramatically. “You’re little peep show is over spiderman! Leave now or prepare yourself for a fight you cannot possibly win!” Carnage cocked his head, confused, until he realized that there was no moon on this particular night, and the lights on the bridge below them did nothing but drench him in shadow. He thought he was about to face Spiderman!

Carnage stood up and unfurled his tentacles, screeching as he did to make sure Toad knew exactly how severe his mistake was. Toad saw this and nearly threw up from how hard his stomach dropped. “You’re… Kassidy… Carnage” Toad couldn’t formulate sentences at this point, he knew his chance of survival here was nearly non-existent as he slowly backed away from the murderous symbiote, who walked towards him at the same rate of his retreat with an insidious grin stretched across his red face. Toad leaped as hard as he could away from his foe, but Carnage saw this coming and immediately caught him with his webbing, dragging him back to the platform he was on. Toad landed right at Carnage’s feet, where he used his tentacles to pick him up and hold him at eye-level. He then spoke at him with his twisted, screeching voice, “Come on, fight me! Your meat will be so much more tender after a good struggle!” Carnage flashed his own elongated tongue, just as Toad had done previously, and laughed as Toad escaped his grasp with a drop kick to the chest. Toad rolled to his feet into a crouching position and immediately leaped at Carnage, who stood there as he punched him as hard as he could in the face. Carnage still stood, unmoved, and when Toad landed behind him he cackled and asked sarcastically, “How’s your hand doing after that?” Toad didn’t answer that, as his hand was throbbing with pain after that attempted blow. Carnage’s bones were unbelievable hard for someone able to distort his body the way he could. He tried to flex his hand but it wouldn’t move. Clearly this method of attack wouldn’t cut it.

Toad quickly turned around shot his tongue at Carnage, who had still not bothered to turn around. The Tongue wrapped around Carnage’s neck tightly and Toad leaped high into the air with the intent to land on Carnage and crush him with his legs. Carnage still stood there unmoving, all he did was grab a hold of Toad’s tongue and pull sharply just as Toad was at the height of his jump, messing up him trajectory and causing him to fall headfirst into Kassidy, who grabbed him before he hit the ground. “Pity,” the monster said as he once again lifted him to eye level, this time with his arm. “I thought you would provide me with more of a challenge than this.” He said no more as his tentacles engulfed Toad and began devouring him.

Carnage left Toad’s body hung by his own tongue off of the bridge. He was proud of the position he had left him in, as he manipulated him until rigor mortis set in and left him hanging there with two thumbs up, a hideous smile cut into his cheeks, and the words “Carnage Rules” etched into the skin on his back. He figured it might give Magneto a bit of a chuckle.

For now, he was using the extra energy from devouring Toad to wreak havoc on local gangs who had the balls to be out on the streets this late at night. As he shoved his fist down one of their throats and had his tentacles extend down to rearrange his insides, he got to wondering how people were still stupid enough to live out on the street like this despite the existence of TONS of superheroes and villains who call New York their home. If these guys were smart, they’d start and organized crime syndicate in Nebraska somewhere. He couldn’t recall any heroes or villains who were based there.

When he was finished switching the criminal’s heart with his appendix and analyzing the results, he turned to the last gang member in the alleyway, who was hiding in a corner after witnessing his 20 friends get killed, each in a way more creative than the last. Carnage tossed aside the dumpster that was separating them and walked over to him. The mass murderer sat down calmly next to his victim and spoke to him. “You know, after killing all of your mates in the most creative ways I could think of, I’m a bit stumped as to what I should do to you. Have you any interesting suggestions?” The (former) gang member struggled through his fear to shakily respond, “What… are you?”

Carnage had been asked this question before, in fact this entire situation was quite familiar to him, almost like a sort of déjà vu was taking place because of how many people he had killed. The many impulsive killing sprees he had gone on through his life had all run together, as if he was on one, constant, unending killing spree. Maybe that’s what he was. He was a representation of the end of life, shown through a murderous man enhanced by a symbiote with similar intentions.

The gang member next to him only got more fearful as the monster next to him sat there pondering his existence. For all he knew, he was coming up with an all new way to kill someone that he was about to become the unwilling test subject for. He couldn’t escape though; some of his friends tried that earlier and ended up impaled by each other’s limbs. He would just sit and try to accept the fact that he was about to die, probably in some fantastical way that only a sadistic bastard like this would think of.

Carnage’s thought processes were interrupted by the dumpster he had thrown earlier getting whipped back at him. He didn’t move, nor did the man next to him- in fact he saw it as his quickest option to go at this point, so he welcomed the sight. Unfortunately for him, Carnage put him foot out and stopped the dumpster dead before it reached either of them. He was having a really bad day today.

Carnage saw that Eddie Brock had been the one who threw the dumpster because of his ESP, but there was something different about him today. No matter, even if he did challenge him, Carnage was superior to his father (or mother, he never could figure out that part) in every way. For once though, Carnage wasn’t in the mood for a fight. He stayed seated and spoke at Brock, “I’m kinda having a personal epiphany with my dinner right now Brock, so if you go away and let me finish figuring out an answer to this question, you might have enough of a head start to escape and survive.” There was a laughing from the other side of the dumpster in front of Carnage that made him nervous. It was definitely Brock, but it was definitely not Venom. The dumpster then flew into the air, landing on the roof of the building they were sitting against. Carnage sat there in front of his own creation, which had apparently found its way onto his nemesis. He looked up at his spawn, the menacing ultra-symbiote Toxin, who was currently bonded to his mortal enemy and said laconically, “Figures.”

Meanwhile, the Silver Surfer was enjoying a peaceful flight above the city of New York. Generally people didn’t like seeing him around such populated areas due to his stigma of being the former herald of Galactus, but because of the lack of moonlight his glazed body was all but invisible as he rode along the tallest rooftops New York has to offer. He was able to be alone, away from the treachery and violence of all of the other super powered groups and individuals… or at least he thought he was, as Carnage flew up from an alleyway and landed on the rooftop in front of him. The Surfer sighed as he slowed to a stop and realized that his one night of peace was as good as dead at this point.

Carnage got up and prepared for Toxin to arrive to the rooftop, when he noticed the Surfer floating a few meters away from him on the same rooftop. Carnage smiled at him, “Well, long time no see Radd! What have you been up to?” The surfer may not have liked Carnage, but his weakness for conversation was strong, and he hadn’t indulged in any for quite some time. He decided that if this symbiote didn’t want to fight, he might as well speak with him. “Well, Doom tried to take my powers away from me last Friday, and Hulk just tried to kill me earlier today. So I guess nothing unusual. How did you get tossed up here?” Carnage was about to respond when Toxin leaped above them both and landed on Carnage. He then grabbed Carnage out from under his foot and picked him up by his neck. Carnage looked over at the Surfer from this position and said sarcastically, “You know, I can’t really remember how I got up HEEEERE!” His last word was punctuated by Toxin whipping him off the rooftop and into a Coca Cola advertisement a quarter-mile away. Toxin didn’t seem to notice the surfer sitting there as he leaped along the rooftops to continue tossing his creator around like a ragdoll.

Carnage leaped out of the wrecked advertisement unfazed. He then looked down to see that he was right in the middle of Times Square! He jumped down from the building and growled at a group of tourists, one of whom took a picture. Carnage extended his tentacles and used them to trap a large group of people, which he wrapped up into a large ball that he held in his tentacles. He then waited for Toxin to come for him, during which time he got tired of the people writhing around in his tentacles, so he crushed them all with a quick flex and whipped the mob at Toxin, who had just appeared above him. The corpses did nothing to slow down Toxin; Carnage was just having some fun with them. Toxin grabbed one of the people flying at him and tore her spine out so perfectly that her skull was still connected to the end of it. He used this as a flail as he landed next to Carnage and broke the skull across his face, once again causing no real damage.

Carnage screeched as he jumped at Toxin and grabbed one of his arms. He swung around to his back and grabbed the other arm, getting him into a full nelson. Toxin struggled to get free as Carnage attempted to pull Brock out of the Symbiote from behind with his tentacles. A quick flex of all of his tentacles at once created a layer of spikes on top of Toxin that force Carnage to let go, allowing Toxin to backhand him to the other side of the street. Once again Carnage not only received the attack easily, but he actually landed on his feet and laughed. “You’ll have to do better than that if you wish to finish me off for good!” Toxin leaped at Carnage, who uprooted a street lamp and bashed him like into the air like a pop fly at a baseball game. He wasted no time in shooting his tentacle-web at Toxin and using it to pull him back to earth hard. The second he hit the ground, Toxin was immediately bashed by the street lamp again, which was beginning to daze him. He decided to take care of it by grabbing Carnage’s feet with his tentacles and tripping him. He got up and kept a hold of Carnage’s feet, which were tied up at this point. He then bashed Carnage head-first into the ground repeatedly while gathering up victims for him to devour and replenish his energy with after he was finished.

The Silver Surfer was watching all of this unfold from the sky. He didn’t like to get involved into scuffles such as this since it only brought more negative attention towards him (regardless of how noble his intentions were), but this one was getting out of hand. Carnage’s little opening stunt already killed a good 30 people, and now Toxin was rounding up more while Carnage was getting bashed into oblivion. Just as Surfer decided it was time to help, he saw a wonderful sight that not only solved the problem of the Symbiote below, but didn’t include his involvement in the slightest. He nodded at Johnny Storm, who waved hello to the alien as he flew past the surfer and down into Times Square, where his pyrokinesis would be used to decimate the two Symbiotes.

Carnage was beginning to wonder if things were turning sour for him around the 30^th time he was smashed into the ground like a ragdoll, when his vision became blurry. The speed at which Toxin was swinging him prevented any upper body movement on his part, and the constant bashing was definitely getting to him. He already had his tentacles wrapped around Toxin’s neck choking him, but he wasn’t letting up. It looked like Carnage would lose this battle of attrition. Just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse, the Human Torch showed up to ruin everyone’s fun.

“You bastards aren’t killing anymore people today.” The human torch was in no mood to play around as he saw that there were already dozens of corpses littering Times Square. He blasted away at the two Symbiotes as Toxin used Carnage as a human shield against the flames. Carnage writhed and tried to change his form to escape from the flames but it was no use. Toxin’s strength was too great and the Torches flames too hot. The Symbiote began boiling away as Carnage finally accepted his death just as so many others had done at his hands.

Without Carnage to block the flames, Toxin quickly grabbed a taxi and used that as a shield instead. The Human Torch shot a blast at the car’s gas tank, but he missed as Toxin tossed his shield at him. The human torch dodged left- just as Toxin had planned, and he grabbed Johnny Storm around his flaming neck with both hands and began choking him to death. As Storm torched the symbiote with flames it spoke in a low, grumbling voice, completely opposite of Carnage’s screeches. “Your fire hurts, but I have evolved past the weaknesses that have plagued my race for generations. You are going to die at the hands of the most powerful symbiote your, or anyone’s world has ever seen!” The human torch was realizing that this was true, as Toxin only grew stronger and stronger the hotter he got. He even began growing larger as his rage grew. Eventually, Toxin simply crushed the windpipe of Storm and broke his neck, extinguishing his flame for good.

The Silver Surfer was understandably surprised by this, as even Carnage, who had been long regarded as one of the most powerful symbiotes on Earth, was extremely vulnerable to fire. He had experienced this first hand during the short period of time that he had the Carnage symbiote bonded to him, becoming the Carnage Cosmic. The symbiote had to be burned off of him, during which time he felt the immense amount of pain a symbiote experiences when dealing with extreme heat. This symbiote just killed a man made of fire with his bare hands, and he was about to devour the people he had rounded up earlier. He couldn’t let more people die because of this conflict.

Toxin grabbed a hold of his first victim; a child no more than 8 years of age. As he plucked the child from his mother’s arms with his tentacles he held it up in front of him like a prize and stated to the crowd, “I think this will make for a nice appetizer. It’ll make me hungrier for the main course.” He flashed his teeth at the crowd of people, some of whom tried to run, only to get tossed back into the pile by Toxin’s tentacles, which were elongated to the point that they were nearly covering the Times Square area. He took the child into his body just as the Silver Surfer swept down and pounded Toxin’s head with his surfboard, causing him to lose his grip on the child. The surfer grabbed the child and set him on the back of his board as he hovered above the group of people. As Toxin recovered from the dazing blow, the Silver Surfer spoke at him, “Stop this now Brock! You’ve already killed Kassidy and the Human Torch, there will be no more blood spilled on your account today.” Toxin roared loud enough to break the windows surrounding them and launched himself at the surfer, who didn’t move an inch.

Toxin was caught by his arms by the silver surfer, who gave him one last chance to submit. Toxin did no such thing as he used his tentacles to try to pull himself into the surfer so he could devour him. The surfer had already had that happen once and was ready for it this time. He shot a blast of the power cosmic from his mouth at the same moment of ripping the monster’s arms off simultaneously. He then threw the monster’s arms in with the rest of his body, and to his surprise it actually began reforming. Before it could finish however, the Surfer unleashed a full powered blast from his hands at the symbiote, completely annihilating any and all particles that formed the symbiote. The most powerful symbiote in the world was still no match to the power cosmic that the surfer held in his hands.

After destroying his opponent the surfer hovered down and set the child back on the ground, where he was promptly picked up by his mother. He then braced himself for boos and hatred from the crowd, but he was instead greeted by hugs and cheers in his name. The Surfer didn’t say anything; he didn’t know what to say. This was the first time he was accepted by a crowd he just saved from their deaths, and he was enjoying it. He got down off his surfboard and enjoyed being an object of admiration for the first time as he signed autographs (Which was just a stylized version of “SS”) and took pictures for people. After a few minutes of this he got on his board and left, feeling loved for the first time in years. He soared over the city with a new-found confidence in himself and others. He even allowed himself to partake in one more act of heroics- by picking up a young man sitting in an alley full of corpses and taking him to a hospital. He’d need months of therapy after what he had just been through.

Batman vs Martian Manhunter

No more explanations, no more numbers, just stories.
Oh, and I still plan on finishing Chief vs Samus.

I didn't say no more music...

The Batman took in everything at the site of Cyborg’s death. Green Lantern beat the Hell out of him, and in fact not much of him remained. All that was left was a mangled pile of black, blood-soaked electronics with some vaguely human looking parts attached to them. Standing next to the Bat was his good friend, the Martian Manhunter, who had been called here because his own impressive investigative abilities were enhanced by his natural telepathic abilities. The Manhunter’s impressive telepathic abilities came in handy already as he was able to read the Green Lantern’s mind to see and experience exactly what had happened to cause this series of events, and they were currently being used to keep the citizens from interfering with their work. In fact, they didn’t even know that the heroes were there, nor did they remember anything about the fight that had happened hours ago. Manhunter was very thorough in his work.

Batman scanned over the body, paying particular attention to the head of Cyborg. The normally bright blue electronic half of his skull was a darker black than he had ever seen- it made his suit look downright cheery in comparison. He reached into the broken cybernetic armor and picked up a small microchip. Using his wrist-mounted computer he determined that that particular chip was responsible for linking Cyborg’s human and artificial brains together and maintaining stability between the two. The chip was fried; something that cannot be done with any normal electric current.

Batman turned to his Martian friend and asked, “Didn’t you say that Green Lantern witnessed a bolt of electricity coming from a downed power line hit Cyborg’s head right before he turned black and started trying to kill him?”

“Indeed, in fact it was a black bolt of lightning. Very strange indeed.”

“Could you take me to the downed power line that shot the bolt?”

“Indeed I could my friend.” Manhunter continued to stand there, staring at Batman as if he were waiting for him to say something. Batman didn’t know what he was doing, so he asked, “Um, will you take me there?”

“Indeed I will my friend.” Manhunter stood there just as before, staring at Batman with his glowing red eyes. Batman was getting frustrated now, “When are you planning on taking me there exactly?”

“Whenever you need me too my friend.”

“Alright, can that be right now?”

“Indeed!” Manhunter immediately grabbed Batman by the foot and flew off with him towards the site of the downed power line, not paying any attention to Batman’s screams along the way.

When the duo got to the power line they were surprised to see an army of civilians carrying torches and yelling at them. Martian Manhunter was the first to comment; “Did you do something to piss these people off Batman?”

“ARRRGH! I HATE YOU!!”

“Oh sorry my friend! I forget that you humans experience a rush of blood when held upside down for too long.” He flipped Batman over and allowed him to redistribute his bodily fluids accordingly so he could properly answer. “What the Hell is wrong with you!? Didn’t you hear me screaming for you to stop!?”

“Indeed I did my friend, but I thought that you were just afraid of heights. We had to get here quickly so I wouldn’t be bothered by petty human experiences such as fear.”

“Right, because you don’t experience fear. Hey I’m actually a bit thirsty, wanna fly down through that angry mob of fire and grab me a drink from that general store down there? Oh wait, I forgot about the angry mob. What are they doing here anyways?”

“I don’t know, I asked you the same question a few lines ago.”

“They appear to have anticipated our arrival.”

Very strange inde…”

“If you say indeed one more time I’m going to throw a napalm capsule at your face. You know how Earth works, stop pretending like you don’t.”

Manhunter smiled at this, seeing that the joke had run its course. “Fine then, but you don’t have napalm capsules… do you?” Batman said nothing, just raised a single eyebrow as if to say, “Do you really want to take that chance?” After a few seconds of awkward silence, they realized that the crowd was awfully silent for an angry mob. Batman asked, “Do you think mind control is a possibility here?” Manhunter looked down at the people, who were all staring into the sky at the heroes. No movement, no yelling. Just staring. “Yeah Batman, I’ll check these guys out real quick.”

Manhunter telepathically searched the minds of the people in front of them, and immediately found that the culprit was none other than Darkseid. Manhunter linked himself to Darkseid through the people in front of him and began a telepathic conversation. “Hey Darkseid!”

“What the… who is this? How did you get this number? I swear to God if this is another refrigerator salesman I’ll…”

“No, this is Martian Manhunter of the Justice League. I am currently in front of a large mob of people under your control. I just wanted to know why you were doing that.”

“Martian Manhunter? I didn’t know you had telepathy!”

“Well duh! How could you not know that? That’s like one of my main powers.”

“Well maybe if you didn’t have so many damn powers I wouldn’t forget about some of them!”

“Yeah, people seem to do that a lot. So are you the one who brainwashed Superman and Cyborg?”

“What? How did you know about…”

“You know what might be easier, to just- oh, yeah, there he is.”

“There who is?”

“I found Superman’s mind within your subconscious… that is surprisingly small.” Darkseid chuckled at this, “I know right? I never tried taking over his mind before because I just kind of assumed that it wouldn’t work, but it was surprisingly easy!”

“You’re not angry that I just discovered your plan?”

“Not really, I mean I already have Superman at my disposal, and I still reserve the right to go to earth myself with Superman by my side and take it over that way so… wait, that’s a great idea! Much better than the whole mind control thing anyways. Not even that grey skinned asshole can stop me and Superman on the same side. See you in a few days!”

“… Fuck.”

Martian Manhunter looked down at Batman, who had adjusted himself to lay across Manhunter’s arms like a bride being held by a groom while he had his telepathic conversation. He then asked, “Hey Batman, what would happen if Darkseid and Superman were to team up and come to Earth to destroy all life?” Batman looked up at Manhunter and saw that he wasn’t joking. “Seriously? Is that a possibility?”

“No, it’s a guarantee. They’ll be here in a few days.” Batman thought long and hard about what they should do to prevent this. He usually paces when he does this, but he was being held like a woman, so he contented himself to a hand on the chin. After a couple of minutes, during which Manhunter used his super breath to blow out all of the torches and fix everyone’s minds, Batman spoke. “We’re going to need help from an outside source.”

Manhunter flew over to a roof and set Batman down as he responded, “You don’t think the Justice League is enough?”

“Not in the weakened state it’s currently in. In fact, it’s only going to get worse from here on.” Batman adjusted his cape and utility belt as Manhunter asked, “How do you know that?”

“Because there’s something bigger than Darkseid happening right now.” He cracked his neck before he continued. “Despite the fact that neither you nor I can be controlled by any known telepath, we both feel the unnerving the desire to kill each other, right here, right now.”

“How did you…”

“I can see it in your eyes. Right when you finished talking with Darkseid something happened to change the universe, almost as if we cannot co-exist in the same plane of existence anymore. Have you ever seen Highlander?”

“Yes friend, I know exactly what you mean. I have no change in feeling towards you, and I still consider you a friend. However, something is telling me over and over again to kill you where you stand. The urge is almost irresistible.” Batman took out a smoke capsule and said, “I know, and it’s time to end this. Sorry friend.”

Batman threw down the capsule and disappeared behind it, jumping off the building they were on and using his grappling gun to get across the street and into the shadows of a nearby alley. Manhunter saw this happen and was about to fly over to the alley, when suddenly the explosive Batman threw at his feet seconds ago went off, burning his legs but doing no real damage. The burns scared Manhunter though, as Batman knew of his weakness to fire and would exploit it endlessly. He then remembered that he had Martian vision, so he could see exactly where the Batman was hiding at all times. He peered through buildings into the alley Batman went into and saw him waiting in the corner of two buildings with two capsules in his hands, waiting for him to fly into the alley. Manhunter chuckled, “Clearly Batman is relying on me making this a fair fight. I may be honorable, but I’m not stupid old friend.”

Manhunter stretched his arm along the tops of the buildings to keep out of Batman’s sight. When his hand was positioned directly above his adversary, he grabbed him by the cape and threw him into the air far above any buildings he would be able to use to hide. Batman’s gadgets were useless up there alone, and all he could do was right himself and try to glide down with his cape- something he knew Manhunter would never willingly allow. He kept the two capsules in his hand and curled into a ball as his ascent was finally being slowed by the time he was at the clouds. Manhunter retracted his arm and flew up to meet Batman before he burnt his cape off and watched him fall, when Batman unfurled from his ball and threw the two capsules at him. Manhunter had anticipated this and was beginning to use his vortex breath to blow them far away, but Batman had seen this as well, and threw a batarang from his other hand at the capsules. Manhunter tried to blow them away quickly, but the capsules detonated as the batarang hit them, unleashing a load of napalm at Manhunter.

Manhunter panicked for a moment before he realized who he was, so he simply distorted his body to have the napalm pass right through him, falling to the cement below as he remained untouched. Batman was about to grab something else from his belt, but Manhunter quickly flew over and stopped him, grabbing him by his hands and breaking them. Batman screamed in agony, but the unknown force driving the two of them had taken a strong hold on Manhunter at this point, so he felt little remorse as he tightened his grip and spoke, “You never really believed you had a chance, did you?” Manhunter tore off his cape with one swift motion and let Batman fall to the ground below, ironically landing in the puddle of napalm that he had thrown seconds ago.

Manhunter saw this as overkill and immediately flew down and blew out the flames. He got down over the broken body of his friend and… his hand moved.

Thud!

The thud was Manhunter punching Batman’s face into itself, finishing him off for good. Now that he was dead in his arms, he felt nothing but deep sorrow- not for having killed him, but for the way he had to go. Batman was an extremely noble man, and easily the best human he had ever known. Yet even with his unbelievable strength of mind, he went out trying to kill one of his closest friends. Manhunter looked angrily up at the sky above him, as if to curse whatever entity had done this to them. The clouds began to weep at this sight, so Manhunter took the body of his friend away from the wet ground to bury him, hoping that this would help him lay his mind to rest once the shock of what had just transpired wore off.

Another being watches from a new universe

“He could be the one…”

Master Chief vs Samus- Prologue

Sorry for the huge wait and the short product. I have a terrible work ethic.

Enjoy the super sounds of the 70's while you read!



... or don't, I don't give a damn either way.

Samus peered out of the window on the Galactic Federation battlecruiser she was aboard. She thought about looking at all of the stars and pondering about inner emotions and the like, possibly setting up a story for her predicament, but she quickly realized that she was in one of Roker’s stories, so she dismissed the notion. She then looked down and saw that she was wearing her Zero suit, as well as a pair of high heels she couldn’t recall ever buying. She thought to herself, “Why couldn’t I have been in one of Mike’s stories? Or maybe afanofsparta’s. No, I had to get this crazy bastard making me wear high heels around a spaceship. Fucking fanboys.” She reached down to take them off when suddenly she heard a whisper; “It could be worse you know. Master of Boot makes his guys fight in Penisland.” She spun around to see who said this, but there was nobody close enough to make that whisper; just a few officers looking at her suit from a distance. “Who said that?” … No answer, just some confused facial expressions from her admirers. She heard the voice again, only this time it was laughing. “No use looking for me Samus, I am not in your physical world, or at least not me physically, or I mean… fuck, now I’m confused.”

“Where are you?” she said out loud to no one in particular

“Sitting at a computer screen, eating a pop-tart.”

“… what kind of pop-tart?”

“Brown Sugar Cinnamon.”

“Awesome.”

She then realized that she was having a conversation about pop-tarts with a mysterious voice she knew nothing about. She finally asked, “Who are you?”

“I’m Roker.”

“Wait, you’re the guy who’s writing this?”

“Yup.”

She thought about this for a moment. Why would the writer of this fan-fiction be directly interacting with one of his characters, let alone her in particular? She decided that didn’t really care about why, but she did have some questions for him. “What exactly can you do to me?”

“I can control your actions, not your thoughts.”

“Why not my thoughts?”

“I thought it would be an interesting way to make you my own character while still retaining enough of your normal personality to be recognizable.”

“I had a personality?”

“Ha! That was me.”

She was moderately confused by the whole situation, as well she should have been. She was basically talking to the God of this universe, and he was being an immature dick with his powers. The entire situation reminded her about a specific Bugs Bunny cartoon.

 

Yup. That one.

Despite his dickishness, she persevered and asked if he could control others as well. His reply came in the form of her turning to the large crowd that had now gathered on the bridge (people tend to gather when a hot girl in spandex is talking loudly to someone who isn’t there) and yelling, “Battle Royale; last one standing gets a free blowjob from me personally.” Samus covered her mouth as Roker laughed, easily amused at his own antics. The crew broke into an enormous fight, with many grabbing food trays and ripping out electronics to use as weapons. As they ferociously beat each other over the false promise of getting their dick sucked, Samus spoke to the young writer controlling her. “So you can control all of these people?” Roker chuckled a bit and replied, “No, this is their natural reaction to the situation with which I have presented them. In fact, the guys that aren’t currently fighting are the ones I control. That’s the only reason they aren’t fighting too.” Just then, ten Galactic Federation Marines walked up to her and saluted her as they would a commanding officer.

She finally understood; she was supposed to fight with this squad in this story. She smiled as she spoke to her God now, “I see what you’re here for now. We’re supposed to fight against whatever is on that construct down there, and you’re going to help me win.” Roker shook his head, not that anyone could see him doing it. “Not really, since I only have the ability to contact and control you before the battle starts. When it does, you and your squad are on your own.” Samus nodded, “Fair enough. What’s down there anyways?”

“That, you’ll have to find out for yourself.”

She decided not to question his authority anymore as she made her way over the heaps of dead bodies to the bridge’s command center, where she could use the ship’s cameras to zoom in on the construct they were headed for. When she focused them, she saw dozens of Space Pirate ships stationed on and above the inside. “So, we’re fighting against the Space Pirates? That’s unoriginal, to say the least.” Roker laughed heartily when she said this. As he finished laughing, he offered her the cryptic response; “Were it so easy.” At that point Samus’ view of the ring-shaped construct was obscured by a brilliant light, and the strange looking ship that emerged from said light.

Meanwhile, in a ship not too far away

“Hey Chief…  I’m inside you”

Master Chief woke up screaming as Cortana laughed heartily at her antics. “Sorry Chief, I make for a lousy alarm clock.” Chief was still too shocked to speak. She had distorted her voice in his head to sound like Sergeant Johnson and set off a nerve in his lower back. It was a generally unpleasant awakening.

“Why would you do that?” Chief said shakily.

“I told you not to sleep in your armor. I tend to do naughty things to sleeping marines.”

Chief took Cortana out of his helmet, called her a bitch, then put her back in. When she fully rebooted, she was pissed. “What did you do while I was gone? You know it’s dangerous to pull me without warning. Don’t even think about doing that again, ‘cause I’ll shut your cyborg-ass down before you can even move your arm!”

“Yes mother.” Chief sarcastically replied. They could have gone on like this for hours, but there was a reason for Cortana to wake him at this time in particular. She spoke sternly now, “Look Chief, the reason I woke you up in the first place is because we’ve spotted a single Covenant frigate on our tail.”

Chief responded; “They must have followed us after our blind jump. It’s Halo 1 all over again, but without the Halo!”

“Kinda, except there is only one small ship following us this time, and we’re in a Destroyer this time.”

“Destroyers have Slipspace drives?”

“They do now.”

Chief pondered this information while making his way to the bridge. “Shouldn’t a destroyer be able to take down a frigate no problem?” Cortana brought up images of plasma torpedoes on Chief’s HUD. “Not as long as they can shoot these at us.” Chief’s vision was compromised because of the images in his visor and he ran into a wall because of it, causing nearby marines to snicker quietly to each other. Chief looked over at them and said menacingly, “If you want me to go over there and teach you some manners, keep laughing.” Three marines ran away from the area while a fourth curled into the fetal position and started crying. Cortana scolded him “You know you’re not supposed to be that rough with them.” Chief replied, “It’s your fault for blinding me mid-run.” Chief went back to running for the bridge as they continued to bicker like siblings.

Master Chief made it to the bridge just as the alarms sounded, telling everyone to report to their battle stations immediately. Nobody was moving, however. They were all staring out of the window. Chief wondered what could have made high ranking UNSC officers stand in awe until he got a good look out of the window as well. He spoke in sheer disbelief, “No. Fucking. Way.” Directly in front of the ship was another Halo installation.

Nobody said anything for a full minute until Commander Jakobs yelled, “What are you all looking at? Get to your battle stations now!” Everyone then scrambled to their stations and got to work preparing defenses against the Covenant frigate on their tail. While everyone was running around, Chief came up to Jakobs and asked him about the Halo in front of them. “Would you like to explain to me why I’m looking at a God Damned Halo installation right now?” Jakobs looked at Chief square in his visor and yelled back in his gruff voice, “I don’t think you’re in any position to be demanding answers from me Master Chief Petty Officer! Do you honestly believe I know shit about that ring at this point?!” Chief checked his tone against the superior officer and instead asked Cortana about the ring, to which she replied, “Fuck if I know.” Chief’s patience was nearly exhausted when a young cadet ran up to Jakobs with a hand full of papers. “Sir! I’m from engineering on the port side. You need to see these pictures right now!” Jakobs angrily took the pictures from the cadet and looked at them. “Is this another ship out there?”

“Yes sir!”

“Well why didn’t you just tell me that there was an unknown cruiser off the port side of the ship Dumbass?” The cadet held his tongue from this point on as Jakobs threw the pictures aside, walked over to the visuals station on the bridge, and told the officer controlling the ship’s cameras to switch view to the cameras on the port side. Sure enough, there was a ship that was neither UNSC nor Covenant heading for the ring as well. Upon seeing this, the crew members began retooling the defense systems to keep track of that ship as well as the covenant frigate still gaining on them.

Commander Jakobs began contemplating his battle options. This situation was fucked in every sense of the word, but he was on the ground during the Battle of Installation 04, so he had some experience with this before. Going toe-to-toe with that frigate was nothing short of a death wish, and he couldn’t escape because of how fast it was. The other ship was going for that ring too, and he had no idea of its intent. Judging by the looks of it though, he could beat both ships to that ring, where the troops in the destroyer could put up a much better fight against the covenant and whatever was in that cruiser.

He had made his decision.

“Pilot, full speed towards that ring. We’re going to do this Halo 1 style.”

The destroyer began speeding towards the ring world with the Covenant and Galactic Federation ships hot on their heels.

Back on the Covenant Frigate

Tartarus sat in his command chair and looked out at the two ships before him. One was a typical human destroyer directly in front of them. The other was different, much more spherical in shape, with patterns he had never seen before. Both were heading towards the sacred ring, but the human ship was beginning to speed up. Their intent to land on the ring was clear, but Tartarus wasn’t about to allow that.

“Foolish humans, thinking they can outrun us. Have they learned nothing throughout our decades of conflict?” Tartarus signaled to his pilot to catch up with them while his 2^nd in command, a War Chieftan , came up to him. “Your excellence, shall we fire our plasma torpedoes when we are in range?” Tartarus looked at the other ship heading for the ring and decided, “No, we should save those for the other ship. We know nothing about that ship, so it could have thicker armor than the humans’ ship. We’ll just launch a few squad-carriers at the humans and wait for our troops to destroy them all from the inside.” The chieftan bowed and left to prepare the brute squads as the frigate quickly closed the distance between them and the UNSC destroyer.

*pants* now back to the Galactic Federation Battlecruiser

Samus and her team of Federation marines were already suited up for battle when the UNSC Destroyer’s engines lit up and it began speeding towards the ring. After cleaning up the dead crew members’ bodies, the bridge crew was replaced by the kitchen crew, who, being purely woman, were not involved in the brawl (except for one, but she was a lesbian, and an ugly one at that). They did not have any training in piloting a spacecraft, but after the deaths of all men on board (that were not being directly controlled by Roker) they were forced to abandon their natural habitat and attempt to save their lives by driving…

Despite the imminent crash of the Galactic federation cruiser, Samus and her team were able to crowd into her personal ship to save their own lives. Quarters were tight, but after setting the autopilot function to land on the ring, Samus used her morph ball ability to make everyone’s trip a bit nicer. Her ship took off from the moving battlecruiser just as it began to veer off course. Now it was heading towards the fast purple ship launching small pods at the UNSC destroyer.

And we’re back in the UNSC destroyer now.

Chief stood around, watching all of the minor characters on the bridge do their jobs. He had no real reason to be here at this point, since there was no fighting that was happening. It was just exposition between random members of the crew. He was beginning to get bored when he heard a wonderful sound come about the ship; “Warning! Covenant boarding craft on course to impact in roughly 2 minutes!”

Perfect.

Crew members began launching archer missiles to destroy the incoming boarders, but Chief knew that they wouldn’t get all of them before they hit. They never do. As he was getting psyched for the incoming fight, he realized that he didn’t have a weapon. He looked around him at the officers on the bridge fruitlessly, as none of them even had a sidearm with them. None of them except Jakobs, who had a pistol holstered at his side.

Chief ran up to him and asked him if he could use his side arm. Jakobs looked down at his waist and took out his pistol for Chief to see. It wasn’t anything that was issued by the UNSC; it was a six shot revolver with a wooden handle. The long barrel had a chrome finish with the words “Unforgiven” and “Masher” engraved into opposing sides. The handle also had “Jakobs” burnt into it. It was a helluva thing.

Jakobs held his weapon up to the light to see the engraved words shimmer back at him. He then put the gun down and told Chief, “Fuck you! Nobody’s taking this from me unless they’re prying it from my cold dead hands!” He holstered the weapon and walked out of the bridge as the all-too-familiar sound of Covenant boarders attaching to the ship rung from all over. Before he was out if sight, he turned back to Chief and yelled to him, “And I DO keep it loaded!”

Jakobs stormed out of the bridge and made for the nearest Covenant boarding party, who were conveniently enough right down the hall and just beginning to emerge to assault rifle fire from nearby marines. Of the 6 Brutes in the boarding craft, one was killed almost immediately and another lost his armor before ducking back into the craft for cover. The remaining four ran out of the craft and fired at the marines with their spikers, who narrowly avoided impalement by ducking behind the standard UNSC cover blocks that are scattered throughout the ship at all times, because this shit happens all the time apparently. Jacobs ran up and unsheathed his revolver, firing at the nearest Brute major as he made his way to the cover the marines were using. Because of the Masher attachment to the revolver, each bullet split into 7 separate smaller but equal bullets that came out of the barrel like a shotgun blast. Two shots to the chest of the major was enough to strip him of his shields, and before he even realized what had happened, a third shot splattered his brains on the armor of the Brute behind him. Jakobs slid behind the cover with the marines and used the same firing technique against the next nearest brute, who met the same fate as the first. The other two brutes saw their comrades fall within seconds of each other and decided to run back into their boarding craft to regroup while firing blindly with their spikers towards the marines in cover to stop them from getting too close.

Jakobs kneeled next to a marine behind cover and took out the empty cylinder in his revolver. He replaced it with another fully loaded cylinder while the marine looked on at the odd reload fashion of the powerful weapon. Jakobs then spun the cylinder to make the clicking noise he had come to love and winked at the marine as he took out a stick of dynamite from his back pocket and lit it; much to the surprise of the marines around him who had never seen such a weapon before. He jumped over the cover and walked calmly towards the covenant craft attached to the ship, paying no attention to the spikes still flying all around him. He holstered his gun so he could take out a cigar as he walked, and he used the still burning fuse of the dynamite to light it as he got right next to the boarding craft and stood just out of sight from the cowering Brutes inside. Once his cigar was fully lit, he shoved the stogie in his mouth and tossed the explosive into the covenant craft. The spiker fire stopped for a moment as the Brutes looked at the strange device burning in their ship...

BOOM!!!

The dynamite exploded, killing two of the Brutes and throwing the final one from the craft armorless. Jakobs smiled as he unholstered his gun and placed the 14 inch barrel to the alien’s forehead. As the Brute gasped for breath he spoke to it. “I could blow your brains out with this beautiful weapon here, but I don’t like to waste it’s ammo on nearly-dead-gasping-desperately-to-stay-alive bitches like yourself.” He took out another stick of dynamite and lit it with his cigar now. “Still, I suppose you need to die regardless. I just hope I’ll be able to get the stains out of my ship when it’s finished.” And with that he holstered his gun and jammed the lit stick of dynamite down the crippled Brute’s throat. He walked away calmly and told the onlooking marines to get down if they like the color of their armor. They complied as Jakobs hopped over the cover and continued to walk away from the fabulous explosion of purple blood and bits of alien skeleton that painted the walls. He didn’t look at the explosion, for obvious reasons.

Meanwhile, Master Chief was sitting in the bridge, wondering when the story was going to involve him in some way… nope, not yet

 Jakobs returned from his murder spree after wiping out 3 more covenant boarding parties in the vicinity, effectively reducing the Brute’s numbers down to the point that the marines on the ship could easily mop up the rest. Amazingly, there wasn’t a speck of blood on him despite killing nearly 2 dozen Brutes in various ways, ranging from blowing them up to choking them out with a rusty piano wire from behind. He walked perfectly upright to the command center and began barking orders to update him on their situation. The senior pilot was the one to speak up, “We’ve spotted dozens more ships on the north side of the Halo ring, all of unknown origin. The other unknown ship was veering way off course before being destroyed by the Covenant ship behind us, who, judging by their distance from us, used up all of their plasma torpedoes on the other ship, as they are perfectly capable of sending us all to Hell. Another much smaller ship was seen leaving the unknown ship before its destruction, but we were unable to track it… sir.”

Jakobs smiled at this news. The situation in space wasn’t so dire after all, as the covenant frigate had limited weaponry, and without their few plasma torpedoes would only be able to send more boarding craft their way. Were it not for the ships already infesting the ring he would’ve gone into direct space combat with the Covenant ship, but he couldn’t risk a possible activation of that ring, so he had no choice. “Pilot, take us to the north side of the ring and prepare the remaining archer missiles to be fired at incoming covenant boarders. Master Chief!” Chief awoke from a quick snooze in his suit and jumped up to salute that commander, ready to become a part of his own match. “Chief, I need you to go to the armory and prepare an ODST squad for full Orbital Insertion onto that ring. You’ll be fighting in unknown territory against opponents we know nothing about.” Chief replied laconically, “Nothing I haven’t done before.” And finished his salute to Jakobs, who sat back in his chair and puffed away on his Cuban as he took out a cloth to dust off his gun with. Chief ran off to the armory to begin the fight.

Again, sorry for the wait. Hopefully Jakobs made up for it a bit.

Expect the next thing to be a quick analysis of both series' enemies. After that will be the first phase of the fight.

So I might be done by the end of the summer! Yay!
-_-

Master Chief's Team

Master Chief

This guy hasn’t just permeated into our culture, he’s broken into it guns blazing; something he is apt to do in most situations. He’s been in a total of three games thus far, and he is one of the most recognizable video characters ever not created by Nintendo. He basically made Xbox into what it is today.

Biography

Master Chief’s backstory is way too lengthy to write down in detail here, mainly because there are literally books written on the subject. I will say that he was born as John on a colony world of the United Nations Space Command (UNSC) called Eridanus II. As a child, he was taller, stronger, faster, and smarter than any of his peers, which made him a candidate for the SPARTAN II program lead by Dr. Halsey, who eventually chose him as one of the 75 members. During the rest of his childhood, he was trained militarily alongside his fellow SPARTANs to become the best soldiers any world had ever seen. During this time, he proved to be one of the programs top candidates due to his bravery and leadership skills, among other things. After 8 years of intensive training in military tactics, marksmanship, physicality, and leadership, the SPARTANS were already the most deadly humans alive at that point, but that wasn’t enough. The SPARTANs went through a dangerous augmentation procedure that left only 33 SPARTANs in any shape to fight. Those 33 became unbelievably enhanced though, exhibiting above peak human capacity for strength, reflexes, and eyesight, as well as making their bones nearly unbreakable. While recovering from the augmentations in a micro gravity environment, he engaged in a 4 on 1 boxing match against some ODST’s; who were the best of the best up until the SPARTANs were created. He left 2 dead and 2 severely injured. Did I mention He was fourteen at this point?

After this he and his fellow SPARTANs spent their time taking care of rebel uprisings and fighting a new enemy: The Covenant, who had already proved their superiority by massacring a legion of soldiers upon first contact. Against them, they were known throughout the alien races as nigh unstoppable super-soldiers, but since there were so few of them, they couldn’t fully turn the tide of the war and the Covenant continued to push on until they took over Reach, which resulted in the deaths of all but a small few SPARTANs, and one of those SPARTANs was mortally wounded in a cryo chamber. Chief was one who made it out alive and well, and after the fall of Reach, he was a huge part in crippling the Covenant armada and stopping the destruction of Earth at their hands. He was such a huge part, in fact, that the Covenant began calling him “Demon” out of fear for his lethality in battle, and continued to call him that out of respect after the Elites switched sides.

Armor

Mjolnir Mark VI

This armor represents the epitome of technology in the Halo universe, and as such it has a stupid amount of bells and whistles that allow the wearer to become a Jesus reincarnate. For one, it has built in energy shields, which can reflect a decent amount of projectile damage before anything reaches the wearer’s actual armor. These shields regenerate after a short time of uninterrupted… not taking damage, time (note to self: Expand Vocabulary). They are very effective at deflecting projectile fire and shrapnel, but less effective at blocking energy weapons and direct explosive force, and as such they will deplete much quicker when hit with those attacks. It also increases the speed, strength, and reaction time of the wearer, which means that in the case of Master Chief who already had superhuman reflexes to begin with this armor makes him a serious bitch to hit with anything moving slow enough to actually see coming. Another huge asset this armor has is its automatic biofoam injectors, which automatically heals any wound by filling it with biofoam (That’s why the health bar was taken out in Halo 2 and 3; the Mark V didn’t have that technology.) This means that Master Chief will be able to fight as hard as he can even with mortal wounds. The armor is also a sealed system, so he can fight in a vacuum no problem.

The armor itself is composed of liquid crystal and hydrostatic gel layers. Because this armor was made with the Covenant in mind, it is most effective at deflecting energy weapons, while it suffers against projectile weapons and shrapnel. Its hydrostatic gel layer also helps against explosive force, and allows the user to enter a lockdown state which protects the muscles and joints of the user from heavy-impact injuries. It weighs over 1000 pounds with a person in it, and since Chief can run at very high speeds in the armor it’s entirely possible that he could just bowl the Federation Marines over if the situation calls for it.

The neural interface is another part of what makes this armor so great. It synthesizes the armor with the brain of the use so that all movements the armor makes are controlled directly from the mind of Chief. This is why his reaction time is nearly impossible to chart. Add in an A.I. like Cortana and the SPARTAN now has unrivaled intelligence and the ability to take over and use most ships and constructs regardless of the technological origin. Also, he has a motion tracker; a small addition with huge benefits for him and his team.

Weapons:

Melee- Weapon Smash

Unlike the ODSTs, who all carry knives, Master Chief has always preferred bashing grunts’ skulls in with whatever weapon he happens to be holding at that point in time. This may be a very primitive attack but Chief’s strength makes it very powerful, often able to kill smaller covenant members in one bash. Its power and speed generally depend on what weapon he’s holding, so a rocket launcher is going to hit harder than an SMG, but the SMG is going to be much easier to recover from. Generally this is an attack saved for when he’s out of ammo and in close quarters with his enemy, but he won’t hesitate to finish someone off with the butt of his gun if he’s in range.

At this point, all of Chief’s Weapons are identical to the ODSTs’, so these next few sections will be for everyone.

Close Range- M90 Close Assault Weapon System, M7 Caseless Sub-Machine Gun

The M90 Close Assault Weapon system is a fancy way of saying shotgun. As far as shotguns go, you can do a lot worse. It has an 8 gauge shell, and if you don’t know very much about calibers, let’s just say that if a 12 gauge shell can blow someone’s head off, an 8 gauge can probably bisect someone at the right range. Anything within 10 meters of this weapon is within the kill zone; even Samus will get rocked by this weapon if she’s dumb enough to get that close. The problem is its extremely short range. Anything outside 15 meters will probably not even be effected by this weapon, making it very situational. Its 6 round magazine is another downside, but it’s not like anything can survive that many shots anyways.

The M7 is the SMG used in Halo 2 and 3. It fires the very small 5x23mm Caseless full metal jacket cartridge. The Caseless aspect of the gun is actually partially good and bad, since it doesn’t have to eject spent casings, which means it can fire a lot faster (and it fires off its 60 round magazine at a crazy 15 rounds per second with low recoil to boot), but it has to keep an open bolt to prevent any rounds from cooking off. This means that its accuracy is compromised in exchange for a high fire rate, which is precisely why it’s an effective close range weapon and not viable for use at further ranges. It won’t be able to pierce any thick armor, but it can definitely do damage to any pre-exposed parts of the armor, whether that was from a grenade or a sniper. The sheer amount of rounds will also serve to wear down the armor of the Space marines. If that wasn’t enough, Master Chief can dual wield these, meaning he can spit out 30 rounds per second at that asshole Ridley.

Mid Range- MA5C Assault Rifle, M6G Pistol

The MA5C is the Assault Rifle use in Halo 3, and as an Assault Rifle this is going to be one of the two main weapons for Master Chief’s team (the other being obvious for any true Halo fan.) It has a 32 round magazine with a 7.62x51 mm FMJ cartridge, which is a very big round for an assault rifle. The rounds were made to be able to be effective at piercing armor while still retaining its ability to tear through flesh. As is always the case with versatility however, the round doesn’t excel in either category, with many rounds over penetrating unarmored flesh and failing to fully penetrate thick armor.  This means that while this weapon will need to wear down the armor of Samus’ team before penetrating, it will be ideal against the large, unarmored body of Ridley, as the rounds will go deep into his body and do damage- not an easy thing to do against that bitch.

The M6G Pistol is the short-barreled rifle used in Halo 3 that was called a pistol for some reason. The reason I call it a short barreled rifle is because it’s a massive pistol; bigger than any contemporary pistol I can think of. Its cartridge is equally large, firing .50 magnum rounds out of an 8 round magazine. These rounds are Semi-armor piercing AND explode on impact. How is this combination possible? Not entirely sure, but I’m assuming that it’s the reason that they’re semi and not fully-armor piercing. These huge rounds may not directly punch through the armor of Samus’ space marines, but they’ll sure as hell stumble them. The main drawback to this weapon it its recoil, which is manageable, but still considerable compared to the other weapons. This keeps the fire rate on this weapon low to compensate. The accuracy is very good though, and it could even be considered a long range weapon if it weren’t for the recoil. Also, once again, Chief can duel-wield these at the expense of some accuracy.

Long Range- BRHB55 SR Battle Rifle, SRS99D-S2 AM Sniper Rifle (what the fuck is up with all the letters and numbers)

The Battle Rifle is the essential weapon in the Halo franchise… despite only being in two of the games. Ok, so maybe that’s just an old Halo 3 multiplayer veteran talking, as this weapon represented the epitome of versatility and reliability to anyone whose sensitivity was set too high to be any use with the Sniper Rifle (I go 10 to scare people who try to assassinate me, so naturally I just fired off all of the sniper rounds to prevent someone smarter from using it. Pro.) Its most notable feature is its three-round-burst firing method, which is unlike any other weapon in the Halo franchise and precisely the reason for its versatility. The burst-fire preserves accuracy at long ranges while still allowing potent mid-close range fighting, though not to the extent of the assault rifle. It fires strange-sized 9.5x40mm rounds, which are also semi-armor piercing. These rounds have an experimental propellant that allows them to achieve very high muzzle velocities despite their size. While they won’t do much against the armor of the space marines (and nearly nothing against Samus’ suit,) this weapon is the second primary weapon for the ODST’s, so they will be able to outrange Samus’ team without a problem.

The Sniper is going to be a major factor for the ODST’s combat abilities against their opponents. Up until now, nothing has been able to reliably pierce the armor of Samus’ team, save for the Shotgun, but that’s so close range that its uses are very limited. The Sniper Rifle was made to pierce armor, and pretty much nothing else. The AM in its ridiculously long name stands for “Anti Materiel,” which translates into, “Able to Pierce Tank Armor.” This makes troopers under Samus’ command very susceptible to getting their limbs blown off and heads destroyed at ranges that they can’t fight back from. This is a huuuuuge disadvantage for them, Since even Samus, whose armor is thick enough in places to withstand the shots and has the weaponry to fight back from that range, is much better at mid range fighting, and cannot match the power and accuracy of this weapon without closing the distance and combining a lot of her beams. The best they can do is fire missiles as suppressing fire to get closer, which is a major waste of ammo when missiles very well may be the best aspect of their offensive arsenal. Oh, and it has a four round magazine, and a 14.5x114 cartridge. For those of you that play COD, that’s the same round used in a PTRS Anti-Tank Rifle.

Big Guns- M41 Rocket Launcher

This rocket launcher is a very powerful weapon- moreso than even Samus’ super missiles- so naturally its primary function is to destroy vehicles. It still works well against infantry because of its immense power, with a direct hit almost always killing its target, even if that target is Samus. There are disadvantages to this weapon in this fight though. For one, the missiles are pretty slow moving, which may not be a problem against Brutes and Grunts, but against a team of highly trained marines wearing armor that enhances speed and reaction time, there will not be anything more than a few glancing blows scored on them, which will likely be absorbed by their armor. It also has a two round clip, and is very cumbersome to the ODST holding it- Chief is the only one able to move well while using this weapon. It will be extremely useful against Ridley, whose large size will make an easy target for this weapon, and it has the capability of crippling his ability to fly, which is going to be an absolute necessity against him. Once his flight ability is gone, he’s a very easy target for concentrating assault rifle fire on, which can bring him down in a few seconds. Great weapon against Ridley, but almost a liability against Samus’ Team.

The Spartan Laser is purely an anti-vehicle weapon, and in a small-scale scenario like this they definitely would not have one. Plus it’s like an auto-win for the ODSTs, and that’s no fun.

Explosives- M9 Grenade

This is a standard fragmentation grenade, with standard fragmentation grenade properties. It has a short killing radius, but a good fragmentation radius, meaning it can hit from up to 15 meters and still do major damage. It does have a unique safety device on it which stops it from exploding until after it hits the ground, which has advantages in that it cannot explode in the ODST’s hand, but it also cannot be cooked, so there’s a good chance that the marines will dodge the explosion, and it also cannot hit a flying Ridley. Upside is that every ODST and Master Chief carries FOUR of these suckers into battle, meaning that there’s 44 grenades viable for use. That basically kills the Space Pirates right there, who honestly, much like the Brutes to the Marines, were never much of a major threat to the ODSTs to begin with. In case you didn’t figure it out already, the major challenges for the groups are going to be Tartarus and Ridley, who are both major assholes that have close range weapons with long range capabilities and a major aspect that must be dealt with for them to be defeated (Tartarus’ shields, Ridley’s flight.)

Yeah, I thought this match through.

Something To Think About- Interchangable Weapons, Two guns at a time, all need to reload.

This is not a category, but a major aspect of this team. Basically It means that every ODST and Chief can carry two guns at a time (Unless Chief is going Rambo with two SMGs) and can use each others’ weapons. This is a great advantage, as Ridley may be able to kill one of the ODSTs firing rockets at him, but any of the other ODSTs can pick up that rocket launcher and use it just as effectively. Killing one of Samus’ rocket troops permanently destroys the use of that rocket launcher. This also means that the less ODSTs there are, the better the surviving members’ arsenals will be, since they can pick up a Sniper and Battle Rifle from their dead comrades and go to town on their enemies. This also solves most ammo problems, since in the rare case that there is absolutely no ammo on any ODST dead or alive, they can just pick up a different weapon. They can also carry only two weapons at any given time, which is better than the space marines with Samus, but not even close to Samus herself, whose ability to combine beams gives her a nearly endless list of possible weapons she can use. Overall though, this is a big advantage for Master Chief’s squad.

A big disadvantage, however, is the need to reload all of the guns listed here. Samus' team can fire away until they are either out of ammo or overheated, but all of these weapons' effectiveness are limited by their clip size. It doesn't take long to reload, but that precious few seconds could definitely give an opening for the enemy to go on the offensive.

This is where it stops being for both ODSTs and Master Chief and goes back to just Master Chief’s abilities.

Non-Directly Offensive Abilities

Agility:

Master Chief’s agility is excellent due to his natural abilities, drug enhancements, and Mjolnir Mark VI armor. Compared to Samus, he’s faster at running and reaction time, but worse at acrobatics and jumping, though he can still jump and roll like a champion. His reaction time will be a big factor in this match, since there are a lot of slow moving energy projectiles coming at him, which he can dodge reliably.

Pain Tolerance:

Master Chief’s huge pain tolerance given to him through his SPARTAN II drug sandwich is enhanced again by the armor, this time because of the biofoam that’s automatically dispensed into his wounds. The biofoam will allow him to get though any non-lethal injury. Debilitating injuries like broken bones can still slow him down, but will very rarely happen, since his skeleton is basically made of adamantium… ok maybe not that hard, but combined with his armor It would take a spaceship landing on him to break his bones.

Training:

Being trained to be a super-soldier and nothing else from age 6 has its advantages- mainly in the form of being a super-soldier trained from age 6. His training put him in Batman-level conditioning, and his drug-sandwich put him above and beyond that- like if Batman had a gay wing-suit that enhances his strength and speed. Unlike Batman though, Master Chief does not lose his awesome factor when gaining these abilities, and he has no aspirations of defeating a combatant who is clearly superior at one-on-one fighting than himself.

Sorry, got a bit carried away there. Chief’s training was amazing, and it covered the aspects of individual and squad engagements, meaning he has no weaknesses in any situation. He was also trained in military tactics, meaning he can effectively command his ODSTs.

Leadership:

Master Chief had a natural leadership ability that allowed him to become leader of his own squad of SPARTAN IIs, who were all trained to be able to lead squads of marines, so he literally led a squad of leaders. His presence on the battlefield also provides a huge morale boost for UNSC members, so he’ll have no trouble getting his ODSTs to do everything he tells them to do to the best of their abilities.

Special Abilities- Cortana, Luck

Cortana is an extremely advanced Artificial Intelligence that was created from the brain of the woman who devised the entire SPARTAN II program, Dr. Catherine Halsey. She is also designated as a “Smart” AI, meaning she is capable of learning and adapting indefinitely. Her primary function throughout the games is to infiltrate enemy installations and basically take them over, but she also gives the Master Chief combat advice when he needs it. She is intensely loyal to Chief, and she’ll do whatever she can to help him.

He also has an immeasurable advantage known simply as luck. Seriously, it’s one of his qualities, and the reason that Cortana chose him to live in over every other SPARTAN. It won’t really affect anything, it’s just interesting to note, and will probably be showcased at least once in the battle.

ODST

The Orbital Drop Shock Troopers are known for going feet first into Hell. I’m not sure what other direction you’d be facing while traveling there, but they’re very proud of this motto, so don’t tell them I said that.

Background

Orbital Drop Shock Troops are a special operations branch of the UNSC Marine Corps. They are best known for their effective insertion method, which is dropping towards planets individually in small pods from outside of Earth’s atmosphere- An orbital drop. This combined with their increased skills over normal marines make them ideal for taking on unique and dangerous mission that would be unsuitable for a normal marine squad. As a purely volunteer force, the ODSTs were all normal marines at one point, but showed various physical and mental capabilities that allowed them to become a part of the superior force renowned throughout Earth and the Covenant for their effectiveness in battle.

Armor- ODST Battle Armor

The ODSTs have a specialized combat uniform that is based partially off MJOLNIR technology, though still it cannot come close to the effectiveness of that armor. IT is made primarily of titanium and ceramic composite, making it great at deflecting ballistics rounds, and not so great against energy projectiles. The armor is vacuum rated, for obvious reasons, so they can fight without oxygen for extended periods of time. They also receive an HUD borrowed from the armor of a SPARTAN II, and in fact it even has an added VISR ability that will be explained further in the Special Abilities Section. Because of the ODST’s ability to deploy from space and fall to earth, they also have a good amount of temperature control in their suit. This helps them against energy weapons, but they are still more vulnerable to them than ballistic weapons and shrapnel.

Weapons

Melee- Close Quarters Combat Weapon System (yeah, even their knives have stupid names)

The ODSTs all carry a Combat knife into battle, either on their lower backs or left shoulder. The proficiency with it varies on how much time the user has put into training with it, but they all receive a base amount of training time in CQC which makes them all at least lethally effective with this weapon. Against Samus the knives won’t pierce her armor, and against the Space Pirates their scythes will outmatch the ODSTs, but against Samus’ Space Marines they could be useful

Everything else is documented above

Non-Directly Offensive Abilities

Agility

These guys definitely suffer here in comparison to everyone else. Most guys either have a suit that boosts their movement speed, or a suit that doesn’t really affect it one way or the other. The ODSTs have a lot of equipment, and it definitely weighs them down. They have plenty of endurance training to counteract this, but their overall speed suffers, and as a result will have a hard time dodging missiles coming their way.

Pain Tolerance

As a Special operations branch of the Marines whose job it is to fall to Earth in a tiny pod, these guys have a degree of pain tolerance that is unmatched by the unenhanced, but it falls short against those like Master Chief who have ultimate armor on. Some of them do carry biofoam packs though, and all are trained in their use, so any major injuries sustained can be healed for a short time to prolong their battle capabilities. They will slow down after this though, as unlike the Master Chief they don’t have the power of drugs to suppress the pain that the biofoam gives them as it heals their wound.

Training

When the ODSTs first entered the Marines, they went through over a year of intense physical and mental training. When they entered the ODSTs, they trained some more and picked out their specialties in the field, such as sniping or close combat. This means that they have the ability to utilize certain weapons to an enhanced degree; something that will be reflected in their initial loadouts.

Special Abilities- Orbital Drop, VISR

It may seem a bit redundant at this point, but there is a significant advantage to being dropped into atmosphere directly from space.  By the time they are detected by their enemies, they’re on the ground, battle ready, giving them a major element of surprise while fighting in a terrestrial environment. Obviously this ability is situational, but still useful.

What things look like while in VISR mode.

The VISR ability is a built-in nightvision of sorts that not only allows the user to see better in low light situations, but also highlights friendlies in green and enemies in red, allowing for them to detect and communicate with each other easily while attacking enemies on sight. This makes them stealthier as well, as they won’t need flashlights in dark environments.

I'll probably separate these profiles from the other two with a short segment setting up the scenario for the battle to keep things from getting tedious.